Overview of How to Save Marriage
If your marriage seems to be at the breaking point, you might very well be wondering if it can still be saved. If that’s the case, take heart! There are actually several things that you can do to save your marriage, even if there seems to be no hope for reconciliation.
Although many countries have experienced a marked increase in the divorce rate, recent studies indicate that a large percentage of divorced couples regret the breakup. Quite a few appear to suffer more health problems, both physical and mental, than those who stay married. Since marriage is intended to be a lifelong bond, a potential breakup can be devastating to both marriage partners.
Why, then, do so many marriages break up? This typically doesn’t happen suddenly. There are often warning signs that something is wrong. Unfortunately, the warning signs are frequently ignored until the couple’s marriage is on the verge of breakup. By then, it becomes very difficult to make amends—but not impossible—as we shall see.
Granted, every marriage is different, so the approach chosen to mend a particular problem in your marriage might differ in some ways. However, there are certain aspects of the marriage relationship that are essentially the same and require specific efforts by one or both partners to achieve a happy relationship. The following information discusses three of those important aspects.
The Need to Be Realistic
When one or both marriage partners go into marriage with unrealistic expectations, serious problems can develop down the road. There are many factors that can cause couples to develop inappropriate expectations about marriage. Some of these might include outside influences such as romance novels, popular magazines, TV programs, and movies that portray marriage in such a way that is usually far from realistic. If these unrealistic expectations aren’t met in your own marriage, would you feel satisfied? Individuals who fail to be realistic about marriage often fail to achieve the happiness that could be achieved otherwise. So, how can two imperfect people find happiness in marriage?
No one ever said marriage is easy. It takes work to achieve a successful relationship. As already mentioned, both partners are imperfect and are prone to make mistakes.
Besides making allowances for the inherent imperfections that we all have, there are other matters that must be focused on in order to ultimately resolve marital issues.
To begin the healing process and to determine just how well you know your spouse, you might want to first ask yourself these fundamental questions:
- What is the mental and emotional makeup of my spouse?What is our background?
- Were we brought up differently?
- Do we sometimes disagree about money, children, and in-laws?
- Do we allow sufficient time to do things together?
- Are sexual problems a source of conflict for us?
It takes time to address such matters, but happily, most married couples are able to face such problems and work out mutually acceptable solutions.
Discuss Differences!
It might be difficult for you and your spouse to remain calm when it comes to discussing hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or personal failings. You might even resort to hurling exaggerated accusations at each other such as, “You don’t love me,” or, “You only care about yourself.” Does this sound familiar?
When you and your spouse disagree, each one needs to be quick about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about anger. Try listening carefully to what your spouse has to say. It might be that you and your spouse will realize that the issue was all a misunderstanding. Even if your initial anger is justified, it is still better to be slow about anger and to handle the situation calmly without abusive speech. After a calm discussion, you and your spouse might realize that an apology would be in order. A sincere apology takes humility and courage. But handling differences in this manner will go a long way in helping you and your spouse not only to solve your problems but also to develop a warmth and intimacy that will make you find more pleasure in each other’s company.
Intimacy in Marriage
Why is this important? We as humans have an inherent need for intimacy. For millions of people worldwide, the intimate relationship between a married couple is considered to be a most sacred arrangement. Throughout mankind’s history, this intimacy has typically been reserved for married couples, although many have different views regarding this matter. Because of the perceived sacredness of the marriage due, infidelity is not tolerated well among the majority. Statistics reveal that infidelity is often the chief cause for marital breakup and disintegration of millions of families.
Notice that the emphasis should be on giving — not on demanding. Physical intimacy in marriage is truly satisfying only if each partner is concerned about the good of the other. This is particularly true in giving and receiving the marriage due. If a wife is not treated tenderly, she may find it difficult to enjoy this aspect of marriage.
There are times when marriage mates may have to deprive each other of this aspect of marriage. Perhaps the wife isn’t feeling well, or it could be a certain time of the month when she might feel very tired. Or, maybe the husband is dealing with a serious problem at work and feels emotionally drained. Times such as these are best handled if both partners frankly discuss the situation and mutually agree to wait until a more suitable time to share their intimacy. This will prevent either partner from jumping to wrong conclusions. If, though, either spouse willfully and continuously deprives the other of this intimacy, either spouse may be left open to temptation leaving an opening for serious problems to arise in a marriage.
Four Basic Principles to Save Marriage
Remembering and applying the following four basic principles can do much to create a happier relationship and perhaps save your marriage.
- Marriage is a source both of joy and of tribulation. Be realistic about what marriage is all about.
- Disagreements should be handled immediately. Don’t dwell on hurt feelings or allow grudges to develop. Settle the matter quickly.
- In a discussion, listening is as important as speaking. Really hear what your spouse has to say. Converse calmly and avoid name-calling or other abusive speech.
- Intimacy should be rendered in a spirit of unselfishness and tenderness. Be kind and considerate to one another in this regard.
If you are willing to apply these principles in your own marriage, you are sure to have success.
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